Happy New Year everyone! I know it is the time of year when everyone makes resolutions, but I can't. I just can't. I am too perfectionist with a touch of ADD and OCD and throw in some procrastination and a dash of guilt, voila, the keys to resolution failure! I mean sure, I have made resolutions before. I have gone out and bought beautiful journals and packages of pens, and sat by myself on New Years Eve, good smelling candle lit, all pumped up, ready to resolute. I have written pages of things I wanted to change. Yes, there were even a few years where I put friends and family into categories and described how I would change my thoughts, words and actions toward each one of them!
And then it would happen. The kid I resoluted about not yelling at, did something to totally tick me off! And I would lose my cool. Or I would resolute to lose weight and eat healthy and then spend the next day driving kids around with only time for a quick coffee and chocolate chip muffin while going through the drive through. That night as I stuffed myself with buttery popcorn and sweetened iced tea, I would feel like a failure! What is wrong with me I would ask myself? Goodness gracious can't I even stick to something for one lousy, cotton pickin, day! Nope.
I finally realized though, that it wasn't me. It was my life. Not that my life is bad, it is an awesome life, I just had to stop putting unrealistic expectations on myself. I had to adapt changes that were feasible to my own life. But until I could figure out how to do that, I just stopped making resolutions. That hasn't been working very well either. Because if I don't take stock in my life, I will never make any of the necessary changes that will make me more in tune with God's will and more in tune with who He wants me to be. So what to do, what to do....
I have thought about my situation a lot this past week and decided on one thing I would like to change. I am going to try with God's grace to change my negative attitude regarding people, places and things. What does this mean to me? Well, for one thing I am going to try and stop judging people and try and put myself in their shoes, and when I can't, I will let go and let God. Next, I am going to be grateful for all that I have in my own life. I know I am on the right track with this one because I have seen this word gratitude several times in several different places in the last few days. God always lets me know when I am on the right track by putting themes in my face over and over, cause He knows His dear daughter needs to be hit over the head a few times before she gets the idea! Lastly, I am going to stop being negative about myself. I am going to stop worrying about what I "think" other people are thinking about me, because I don't know the reality of what they are thinking, it might not even be about me, and furthermore, it is none of my business! Not only am I going to try with God's grace to stop thinking badly of myself, I am going to treat myself better. I run around taking care of everyone but me! I am no good to anyone unless I start by taking care of myself! The nice thing about it is that it will mean something new depending on each day. One day it might mean treating myself to a Tim Horton's coffee, the next day it might mean skipping laundry and catching up on my cooking magazines. Or watching the Disney channel with my girls underneath a cozy blanket. It will just depend on what God gives me that day, which will lead me back to gratitude and a more positive attitude. One big resolution circle!
Now you might be thinking dear reader, she has gotten herself into the same old same old trap. But no, no I haven't. I put some key words into my resolution. Like, the word "try". I am going to "try" to make these changes, every day I will "try", and like the old adage says, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again!" I have given myself permission right from the start to only "try" so that if one of these days I have loose tongue syndrome and negativity comes pouring out, I don't have permission to throw in the towel and scrap the whole idea! I have to pick myself up and try all over again! Secondly, but most importantly, I am aware that I can only make these changes with God's grace, because let's face it people, I don't know about you, but without Him I ain't even going to breath on my own today! I learned once awhile back, that if you want to change something in your life, if you really want to pull something out of your life by the root, you should ask Jesus for the grace right after you receive Communion. I did that with my battle with jealousy and it worked! So I will be asking Jesus to take away my negativity towards others and to replace it with a loving heart and what better time to ask Him then when He is residing in my heart and it is just me and Him, right after Communion! The only way this will work is to pull the negativity out by its' root, it has been planted there for generations. Believe me, I come from a long line of negativity, with a few sprouts of positive, (like my sweet cousin Doreen who always has a nice word to say about every one! She is awesome and I want to be more like her when I grow up!). I am fighting a spiritual battle, (aren't we all) and I need God to help me through, I just can't do it on my own! No one can, and that is the way God wants it because He wants us to lean on Him, to go to Him and ask for help. He will be hearing from me a lot this year!! All in all, I think as far as non-resolutions go, this is a good one!
Plan B:
Anyone seen the duct tape? Mom needs it for her mouth!
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